January 11, 2006

Love is a force of nature!

Dear Ang Lee
I went to see your Brokeback Mountain the other night.

First off... I forgot my kleenex so I had to use my sleeve to wipe my nose I was crying so much. Thanks a lot.

Second. The movie was wonderful, powerful and heartbreaking... but I wanted more kissing. More. Lots more. I'm not afraid of watching two men kiss... In fact it's kinda hot. I would have enjoyed more of that.

Third. Next time you direct a movie and one of your actors has poor diction ... take him aside and say "Heath buddy. I know you're from Australia and you're trying to do an American accent of a “cowboy type guy” who doesn't talk much, but you can still mumble effectively while enunciating your words so that everyone can understand what you’re saying. Ok? Thanks. ROLL 'EM!"

Good work.
Signed.
Sarah



Dear Heath Ledger
Wow. Just saw Brokeback Mountain and you were really great. Nice subtle quiet performance. Really… really good work. But here’s a little tip… go get yourself a diction coach. Every movie I’ve seen you in, but ESPECIALLY this one… I couldn’t understand a frickin word you said.

I was really into the story of Brokeback Mountain, but honestly… after a while I got so frustrated with trying to figure out what you were saying I decided to watch the movie as a pantomime and just enjoy your performance like it was a silent movie. I really think the movie could have been much more moving if I could have understand what you were saying.

So good job. Get a speech coach. Congrats on the new baby.
Signed
Sarah

Dear Jake Gyllenhaal
Hi baby. I loves you. Good work… take off your shirt. Ahhhhhhh.

Tell your friend Heath he needs a speech coach.
Kisses,
SARAH

10 comments:

Danielle said...

Holy crap! That is one hot picture of Jake Gyllenhal. If he looks half as good in the movie, I have to go see it. Well, I want to see it anyway.

buggy said...

heh heh :)

Anonymous said...

oh my gooodness! i too cried so much that i had to wipe my nose on my scarf. ewww gross. haha. i think it was done very well and i though i was just goin' deaf because i also couldn't really hear heath's cowboy voice. hehe. ps i hope you had a good holiday.
xo
anneka

Sarah's Blog said...

anneka?
Is that you? Where are you?

Melissa said...

Mmmmmm, Jake. I hate that about Heath Ledger! My boyfriend had to put the closed captioning on for The Brothers Grimm when we rented it, just so I wouldn't keep asking him what Heath said!

No Seriously said...

How about you are sooo funny

Anonymous said...

um okay ?

Danielle said...

May I add one thing? Jake, sweetie, in the future, do NOT grow a mustache. I swear the mustache you had looked like a caterpillar landed on your face. Some men look good with facial hair; you are not one of them (well, except for a bit of five-o'clock shadow). You have a nice deep philtrim (that's the indentation above your upper lip), so please don't hide it. And I agree with Sarah that I would have liked a little more kissing. And seeing you shirtless.

Heath, my dear, you sounded as if you had marbles in your mouth. You definitely need a diction coach if you are going to have substantial dialogue in any movie.

Anonymous said...

Those weren't marbles.. in his mouth

Anonymous said...

and he has a
"dick chin" coach already.